Whew, a Week of Work!!!

I have had a couple of e mails and calls from people wondering how my first week of work went. Well, for orientation, it wasn't too bad. It was a lot of sitting and listening, playing with computers and finally today we got to practice some skills. I was so nervous i was going to have to practice a blood draw on other staff, but thank God we had a dummy hand to do it on. It isn't so bad. I am actually looking forward to doing it on a patient so that I can just get that first real stick over with. I got some special treatment today in our body mechanics lab. I didn't have to lift a person from the head and everyone else did. I guess I am a liability. I was also standing in line for the bathroom and two guys let me go ahead of them. This belly sticking out has its benefits! Anyways, overall I am feeling good about the week. Monday will be my first 12 hr shift on the floor. I met my preceptor. She seems nice and so does the manager. It is a very busy floor, so I know I will be exhausted by the end of my 12 hours. I am going to have to give up my daily workouts. I have been so good about either walking an hour or going to aerobics every day. I don't see how I will have the energy or time with working 12 hours. I am still going to keep teaching aerobics though. My schedlule is working out so far. Hopefully I won't gain 50 lbs with this pregnancy, but I definitely had to give up my desire to gain less than my previous pregnany of 29 lbs. Lets just say my metabolism has slown down just a little. I have gained 15 already!! Well, it is all worth it. Baby is doing well. She moves all the time. Quite a distraction during all these classes.

Trying not to remember...

The five year anniversary..."we'll never forget..." well, I am trying not to remember five years ago today. My pregnancy hormones are too strong, so i choose not to turn on the radio on my way to the first day of work. Of coarse it is on my mind, but I keep trying to think of so many other things. Anything to distract me. But, it is ironic that I would start my first day as a nurse on the five year ann. of 9/11. Ironic, because I was sitting in a catholic worker free clinic volunteering during those hours of the disaster. It was in my two years at that very clinic that I became very aware of my desire to become a nurse, and here I was in my orientation at my first job on the 5 yr anniversary, pregnant with my third child. It became abvious that I was the only one trying not to remember, because we not only had a moment of silence, but one of our speakers (who happened to be the best speaker of the day) kept breaking out in tears. So there I was in a room of 100 people I didn't know trying so hard to control my emotions. Well I made it through the day. I still aon't turn on the tv or radio. It is just much too hard. I rember that we gave moriah the middle name hope because she was conceived shortly after that awful day. And I look forward to our child within me that we have given the middle name Shiloah, meaning bringer of peace. Though it may sound so cliche to talk about hope and peace today. These are the things that I choose to let my mind ponder, because...well... I am pregnant, hormonal, and don't really think I can handle grieving all the loss today.

A day at the beach!

Chris had to work all day on Saturday, so I decided to surprise the girls with a day trip to atlantic city. Not the prettiest beach around here, but definitely the closest. It was nice to just rest on the sand and watch the girls play together. They were so happy the entire time. No whining for the whole day! I guess I need to do this more often. I couldn't read or take a nap since they played in the water most the day, but atleast I could rest. They can't wait for our next beach day. I am looking forward to it too, but would much rather it be with daddy next time. By the way, I start work tommorrow. I'll blog about how it goes. I am pretty nervous.

THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS MONSTERS!!

I just had to put this story in about moriah. Last night, while I was at pilates, Chris was putting the girls to bed. Moriah has always been scared of the dark and won't go upstairs by herself when the lights are off. Well last night, she decided to overcome this fear. She started to walk upstairs with the lights off. This surprised chris and big sissy so much that alexa decided to tease her about it. Alexa was walking behind her making ghost sounds. Moriah abruptly turned around and loudly proclaimed, "THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS MONSTERS!!!" SHe then turned back to walk up the last step. Just as she took that step, Oskar (our golden retriever) walked out of her room (which is at the very top of the steps). Moriah screamed so loud that the entire neighborhood could hear it. Chris and Alexa fell to the floor laughing, and before long, Moriah thought it was funny too. For the rest of the night, chris and alexa were imitating the event and laughing hysterically about it.
Well, at least our girl is trying to get over her fears and can laugh about it in the process. Hopefully next time, Oskar won't be waiting for her at the top of the steps.

Loss

I have been too sad to try to write this blog, but after a week I decided I should just do it. Maybe it will help me process the whole thing. In the past couple months, there have been two amazing people that I loved dearly and blessed our world in more than one way that have gone on to be with our God.
First, was our friend Ben Lindle who was in his early 20's. He died from complications from pancreatis. He was a huge guy, but tender and gentle spirited. In the time that Chris and I knew him in Kentucky, we learned about community gardening from him, and saw his passion for orphans and his heart for worship. He would sew little dresses for orphan girls in guatemala. Imagine seeing a 300lb 6'5 (at least) guy sewing. Amazing. Well, he will be truly missed and the impact he made on the world will leave its mark.
Second, was Beth Broderson. She passed away last week form ovarian cancer. She was a truly amazing woman. She caught many of my friends babies as their midwife. She was a big inspiration to me in becoming a nurse and my continued passion for womens' health. She struggled with cancer for many years. I just learned that she caught a baby only 12 hours before she passed away. She loved what she did and it showed. If you are interested in checking out an amazing project that a friend of ours is helping to organize in her name, check out this website.
http://web.qx.net/beththemidwife/index.html
I am not sure how to process all of this. Why God takes people who are making such an amazing impact on our world. Why he allows those who cause suffering to live on. Is it ok for me to have these questions? maybe I won't know the answers until it is my time to die.