Trying not to remember...

The five year anniversary..."we'll never forget..." well, I am trying not to remember five years ago today. My pregnancy hormones are too strong, so i choose not to turn on the radio on my way to the first day of work. Of coarse it is on my mind, but I keep trying to think of so many other things. Anything to distract me. But, it is ironic that I would start my first day as a nurse on the five year ann. of 9/11. Ironic, because I was sitting in a catholic worker free clinic volunteering during those hours of the disaster. It was in my two years at that very clinic that I became very aware of my desire to become a nurse, and here I was in my orientation at my first job on the 5 yr anniversary, pregnant with my third child. It became abvious that I was the only one trying not to remember, because we not only had a moment of silence, but one of our speakers (who happened to be the best speaker of the day) kept breaking out in tears. So there I was in a room of 100 people I didn't know trying so hard to control my emotions. Well I made it through the day. I still aon't turn on the tv or radio. It is just much too hard. I rember that we gave moriah the middle name hope because she was conceived shortly after that awful day. And I look forward to our child within me that we have given the middle name Shiloah, meaning bringer of peace. Though it may sound so cliche to talk about hope and peace today. These are the things that I choose to let my mind ponder, because...well... I am pregnant, hormonal, and don't really think I can handle grieving all the loss today.